We had a blast taping a segment for Evan Kleiman's "Good Food" (KCRW in Santa Monica). Great questions about English drinking habits, drunk Shakespeare, and which character most deserves a drink at the end of the day. We're at minute 25 of the August 15th broadcast. Thank you, Evan!

http://www.kcrw.com/news-culture/shows/good-food

Pub Day Is Almost Here!

Just in time for the discovery that Shakespeare liked him some funny smoke….What would he snack on first?        

Pre-order your copy of Shakespeare, Not Stirred and play along….Coming September 1st, 2015 from Perigee (USA) and October, 2015 from Scribe (UK)!

Our Exciting News!

Caroline and I have been AWOL for a while. But it's for a good, Shakespeare-related reason! Our book of Shakespeare-themed cocktails and hors d'oeuvres will be published by Perigee/Penguin in September 2015!

Ready for the title? Shakespeare, Not Stirred. Whether you're in the sexy, self-empowered mood for a "Lady Macbeth's G-Spot" or interested in drowning your sorrows with an "Othello's Green-Eyed Monster," there's going to be a drink and a nibble for every occasion.

We plan to eventually house this blog on our book and/or author websites. Because we are Everyday Shakespeare every single freakin' day. We can't help it.

We're thrilled to be represented by amazing agents Adriann Ranta and Allison Devereux at Wolf Literary. There's contact information--and pics of us holding yummy cocktails--on the Wolf Literary website.

Looking forward to clinking glasses with you all (either in person or through cyber-space).

    Happy Birthday! Please don't catch on fire.

Shakespeare at Large

If Hamlet worked for the Department of Public Works.....

Magic Shake-Ball

Dear Magic Shake-Ball:

My dog tried to eat this. Is he a genius or a moron?

Answer:

"Men prize the thing ungain'd more than it is." (Troilus and Cressida 1.2.199)

Interpretation:

Wow. That's deep. I think this is your way of telling me that a genius dog may seem like something I'd want, but that--really--it's easier if he's just kind of a ding-dong.

Homebaked Shakespeare

Valentine's Cards from the Archives


Hamlet to Ophelia

To be or not to be my Valentine?

That's the question, isn't it?
Isn't it?
I'm talking to you, you slippery wench!

You know what? Forget it.


Henry VIII to Catherine Howard

Divorced, beheaded, died
Divorced, beloved!

(Fifth time's the charm, baby!)

Ophelia to Hamlet

Sorry this Valentine is so late....

So am I.

JK! LOL!

Titania to Bottom

Happy Valentine's Day to my favorite piece of ass!


Romeo to the Flavor of the Week

Dear Phoebe Mistress Quickly Rosaline    JULIET:

Did I ever loveth before now?
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
You are the brightest star in the firmament,
the jewel in my — SQUIRREL!

Shakespeare At Large

For all of you 23andme fans out there, here's a chance to find out if you're related to the most heinously vilified King in English history (so much cooler than being related to one of those Mayflower dudes....)

Scientists are going to sequence the genome of Richard III's remains that were found under a parking lot last year. Fun, fun, fun!! I bet he's related to Kevin Bacon.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/11/world/europe/richard-iii-genome-sequence/

Homebaked Shakespeare

Dear Mr. Moyer:

Thank you for your cold-blooded portrayal of Captain von Trapp in last night’s live broadcast of “The Sound of Music.”  I always suspected that the Captain was a vampire, which would explain a lot: like why he gets off on boning nuns, but hates picnics in the Alpine sunshine with his children. Think about it. As one who knows a thing or two about living forever, I can
recognize the signs of immortality.

I have recently completed a vampire version of the musical entitled “The Hills are Undead,” and am actively seeking investors who would like to be a part of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I immediately thought of you. 

Imagine, if you will, the exquisitely prolonged sexual tension of Leisl’s “I am Sixteen going on Sixteen”; or the horrifying scene in which Maria stumbles on the corpse of an eyeless goatherd and discovers the truth behind little Brigitta’s “sore finger.”

I am including one of my original re-writes here for your consideration. It is sung by Captain von Trapp in the gazebo after Maria leaves him for a werewolf.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours,

William S.

My Favorite Things

Blood-drops on bed sheets and babies in baskets;

Upside-down crosses and bright copper caskets;

Sunsets and Nazis all tied up with string—

These are a few of my favorite things!

Cream-colored shoulders and crispy aortas;

Halloween kiddies who trip on my gourd-ahs;

Basements and bats with the moon on their wings—

These are a few of my favorite things!

Girls in white dresses with big bleeding gashes;

Plasma that sticks to my nose and eyelashes;

Living forever but never aging—

These are a few of my favorite things!

When the stake pounds,

When the priest hounds,

When I’m feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don’t feel so bad!

Shakespeare at Large

Mandela, Shakespeare, Goosebumps

Incredible piece on Julius Caesar: Shakespeare’s African Play, including details about Nelson Mandela's embrace of Shakespeare while in prison. Here's the passage he marked:

Cowards die many times before their deaths:

The valiant never taste of death but once.

Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,

It seems to me most strange that men

Should fear…

Seeing that death, a necessary end,

Will come when it will come.

Ask the Experts

Don't Make a Big Deal Out of My "Baby Picture"

by William Shakespeare


In response to the Folger Library's recent article, I've heard from a number of you about the "surprising" and "uncharacteristic" portrait of me that hangs in the hallowed Reading Room of the Folger. You can stop with the euphemisms. I know what you're really thinking: Shakespeare was one creepy-ass baby. I get it, I really do. In fact, the whole fuss has inspired me to learn Photoshop. I'm working on erasing all those allegorical weirdos except for topless Joy, clothing her in something cute from Lululemon and me in a cute Christmas onesie from The Gap.

The Infant Shakespeare Attended by Nature and the Passions (The Folger Shakespeare Library)

Everyday Shakespeare is on hiatus! Because we're writing a book!

But don't fear: we're still doing Everyday Shakespeare things every day. Stay tuned . . .

Suburbs of Our Discontent

Last week I got my first taste of that timeworn literary tradition: The Homesick Camper Letter.  It began "I hate camp" and ended "Please, please, please come get me." And those were the up-beat parts. Seeking solace from my go-to therapist, Mr. Shakespeare, I was happy to find these Camp Letters from the Archives:

To: Claudius and Gertrude

Dear Mother and Unkind Brother of My Father:

You are perhaps surprised to be hearing from me so soon. Perhaps you thought I happily would submit to your plans to ship me off to England camp with my "friends" Rosencrantz and Guildenstern so that you could engage in sweaty incestuous activities all summer in my absence. Perhaps you underestimated me and my pirate friends. 

See you soon!

Hamlet

p.s. If you see the Rosencrantzes or the Guildensterns, tell them that they shouldn't expect any letters from their kids. Ever.

To:  Polonius

Dearest Father:

I am writing to you in the earnest hope that you will allow me to return home early from Virginity Camp.  I do not mean to sound ungrateful. I know that you have only my best interests at heart. It’s just that my chastity belt has given me a terrible heat rash, and I am finding it difficult to concentrate on all of the fun activities like Trust Circle and “Duck, Duck, Whore.” Please send for me, father.  

Yours always,

Ophelia

Homebaked Shakespeare

Inspired by the Hit SyFy movie SHARKNADO, we've homebaked a wish list of some great-sounding sequels.


Shakespearean SHARKNADO!

Idea #1: "When a freak hurricane swamps London in 1601, thousands of sharks terrorize the Globe Theatre. And when the high-speed winds form tornadoes, nature’s deadliest killer rules the theatre district, adding hilarity and more mayhem to the shipwreck scene in Twelfth Night." 

Idea #2: "When a freak hurricane swamps London in 1612, thousands of sharks terrorize the Globe Theatre. And when the high-speed winds form tornadoes, nature’s deadliest killer tangles with Caliban during a production of The Tempest that the audience will never forget."

Idea #3: "When a freak hurricane swamps London in 1599, thousands of sharks terrorize the Glove Theatre. And when the high-speed winds form tornadoes, nature’s deadliest killer kicks serious animal ass in the bear-baiting arena."

Idea #4: "When a freak hurricane swamps London in 1611, thousands of sharks terrorize the Globe Theatre. And when the high-speed winds form tornadoes, nature’s deadliest killer inspires Shakespeare to revise an important line in The Winter's Tale to 'Exit, pursued by a shark.'"

Shakespeare at Large

How sweet is this?

Need a gift for a little kid? Want to look smart but not in that obnoxious, trying-too-hard kind of way? You'll be the coolest parent on the block if you give this Shakespeare Alphabet. Buy it right here.

Magic Shake-Ball

QUESTION FOR MAGIC SHAKE-BALL

Will Andy Murray win Wimbledon this year? Fingers are crossed!

MAGIC SHAKE-BALL'S RESPONSE

"[T]hy head stands so tickle on
thy shoulders that a milkmaid, if she be in love,
may sigh it off." (Measure for Measure, 1.2.264-6)

INTERPRETATION

Do you mean that I'm close to being beheaded? Or is it this a figurative way of saying that I'm going to lose my head if Andy Murray doesn't win? Or if he does win? And what if you're talking about Andy Murray's head? Are you saying that the English will go medieval on him if he doesn't get the win? Shake-Ball, you've created more questions than you've answered.

Shakespeare at Large

Currently Cracking Us Up . . . . 

"Shakespeare Characters Who Make the Best Drinking Partners" 
by Ken Griggs (Bro Jackson)

This long-overdue breakdown of who's who in Shakespeare's world of potential bar-hopping buddies is a nice piece of scholarship. The whole piece is a must-read, but here's a little sip to get you going:

"Hamlet He’s the darling of all Shakespeare’s plays. People love him and how can’t you love someone so dark and mysterious? Imagine taking him to the bars? He’s like Kurt Cobain with the charisma of Brad Pitt. We’d be begging hipster ladies not to talk to us. Plus with the whole Oedipal stuff going on you know he’s into some freaky shit. This is the kind of guy who would gladly jump on a grenade and have the courtesy not to bring it up later. Pass the Frangelico because things are about to get nutty."

Magic Shake-Ball

QUESTION FOR MAGIC SHAKE-BALL:

Why are sectional sofas so expensive?

MAGIC SHAKE-BALL'S RESPONSE:

BIRON: What time o' day?

ROSALINE: The hour that fools should ask.

BIRON: Now fair befall your mask!

ROSALINE: Fair fall the face it covers!

--Love's Labor's Lost, 2.1

INTERPRETATION:

Girl and boy flirting. Girl plays hard to get. I think this means that it's human nature to want someone (or some thing, like a sectional) more if it's out of reach. Exactly. 

Shakespeare at Large

This deleted scene from X-Men 3 is cracking me up. The Beast is a Shakespeare expert, you know. And also, every Shakespearean may at some point spontaneously combust into The Beast. Especially at the end of the academic year.

Suburbs of My Discontent

	Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises, Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
	Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
	Will hum about mine ears,and sometime voices
	That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
	Will make me sleep again: and then, in dreaming,
	The clouds methought would open and show riches
	Ready to drop upon me that, when I waked,
	I cried to dream again. (3.2.134-42) Ah, a weekend away with good friends! As I sipped champagne at The Four Seasons in Philly, I couldn't help but think of Caliban's poetic materialism.