Ask the Experts

So yesterday I had my first near-stitches experience with my child (I've already experienced my husband needing stitches —twice—from stupid domestic accidents. Ever wonder what a Vasal Vagal reaction is? Come on over and let him give you a one-on-one tutorial.) When it's your beautiful little baby boy's face, it's a whole other matter. Should I drive the extra 45 minutes to the fancy E.R where I may end up waiting 6 hours for some newbie resident to botch up his perfect little face, or do I trust the pediatrician who feels very confident with her glue stick skills? I opted for the pediatrician and her magic glue stick.

But what would you have done?

Experts?

Hamlet, Sr.: I would have chosen the procedure that would have given your son the largest scar. Trust me, he'd have thanked you for it.

Gertrude: Easy for you to say. Where were you when little Hammy fell on his quill?

Hamlet, Sr.: I don't know. Maybe I was saving the kingdom from a Norwegian invasion or something. Are you kidding me, woman? A quill? Jesus, no wonder that kid never gets invited to any birthday parties.

Prospero: Why you would trust a She-Doctor to touch your only son's face is beyond me. What is this magic "glue" you speak of? Have you no idea what kind of hocus-pocus you've exposed your son to? If I'd ever had a son I never would have let a witch near him.

Miranda: So, what am I, a dispensable facial casualty?

Prospero: Now, Miranda, calm down.

Miranda: I hate you!

Gertrude: Oh, sweetheart, who can blame you? Listen, come hang out with me in my closet and lets talk about it. My son would love you. Trust me. You do know how to swim, don't you?

Miranda: Hello-- I live on an island, crazy lady.

Gertrude: Yes, of course. Shall we?