According to a story on NPR, best-selling Chinese author Zhang Yiyi is willing to pay $150,000 to have his face surgically altered to resemble Shakespeare's. (Read about the gory details here.)
Now that's commitment. That definitely would get him tenure here in America. Especially if he put on one of those fake British accents that give academics an extra edge. I mean, who's going to deny Shakespeare tenure? (Although..."Dear Mr. Shakespeare: The Committee for Tenure and Promotion did not feel that your erratic publication record was robust enough to warrant tenure; furthermore, they did not consider your "collaborative work" to be a viable part of your research profile.")
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