Ask the Experts

It's only been one day, but already this "So You Want To Get a PhD in the Humanities?" animated piece of brilliance has gone viral. And with good reason. It manages to take me and every other Humanities professional out there and boil most of our lives down into 4 1/2 minutes. It is hysterical. And deeply depressing. The Humanities are in crisis again. But this time feels different. This time universities like SUNY Albany are cutting whole departments like French and Theater and Classics. What the f*%@?

So I think it's time we ask our Shakespeare experts for a little guidance and perspective. Should we be scared? Will this pass?

Hamlet: I spent 5 years at the University of Wittenberg studying the Humanities. And you know what it got me? Dead. Well, first disillusioned. Then dead.

CB: Wait a minute, Hamlet. You're really going to blame the Humanities on your lack of action at Elsinore? Plus, you got a lot of bang for your buck out of all those Theater majors who helped you trap the conscience of the King.

Gertrude: Amen, sister. Now, Hammy, you know that you got yourself dead because you didn't listen to your mother. I told you to just cheer up and have a nice piece of wedding meat, but instead you had to just mope around and ruin the most special day of my life.

Lady Macbeth: Oh, God. Please. The only thing fresh on that day was your first husband's corpse.

Gertrude: Shut your posset-hole, Lady.

Lady M: Make me.

Gertrude: You. Me. The riverbank. Three minutes.

Prospero: Ladies, ladies. Let's stay on topic, shall we? Now, I am, as you know, a connoisseur of books. They always brought me great pleasure, and significant power. I'll be the first to admit that I possibly should have spent more time reading up on how to rule Milan and less time reading Ovid and Greek Magical papyri, but that would be boring. Plus now I can make people dance like Marionettes. What fun!

Lady M: Big deal. I can make my husband squawk like a chicken and I don't need me no books to make that happen.

Prospero: Delightful. That's just delightful.

Katherine: Je ne peux pas croire que l'université coupe son département français. C'est une insulte à toutes les personnes civilisées!

All: Huh?

Juliet: Ooh, I don't know what she just said, but it sounded so romantic! I want to go to College and learn how to say things like that! Then I can go to France on my Junior year abroad and hook up with a hot French guy!