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Were I To Be Trapped In a Chilean Mine with Thirty-Two Kinsmen. . .

by William Shakespeare

People the world over turn to me for profound expositions, so I thought I'd tackle this deep issue of the Chilean mine tragedy/miracle. Get it? Deep issue. That's for the people who also like my puns. Anyway, I have unearthed a Top Ten List that conveys the contents of my buried thoughts (hee, hee).



Were I To Be Trapped In a Chilean Mine with Thirty-Two Kinsmen, I would . .

10. Grab a partner and Morris dance

9. Start a conversation about homosocial friendships

8. Lecture about the inevitability of tragic endings

7. Take arms against a sea of troubles (i.e., make everyone hold hands so that they don't fight)

6. Sing and sing and sing until someone knocked me unconscious. Because music is the food of love, and we wouldn't have enough food.

5. Play Marco Polo

4. Pen a love poem to my girlfriend, even though the guys think she's ugly

3. Crown a "King of the Miners" and then execute him

2. Pen a love poem to one of my co-workers--just to freak him out

1. Organize a poetry slam

Obviously, the real tragedy is that they didn't have me down there.