Shakespeare at Large

So, it's finally happened. Hollywood is weighing in on the "Who was Shakespeare--really?" debate, and the answer is ... drum roll...

Edward de Vere, the Earl of Oxford! Come on down! You're the next contestant on "Hollywood is Right"!

Roland Emmerich is making the film, "Anonymous," starring Rhys Ifans as the Earl and Vanessa Redgrave as Elizabeth I. This is the same guy who produced "The Day After Tomorrow" and "2012," so we can all look forward to some awesome plague scenes.

Look, I enjoy and indulge in conspiracy theories as much as the next guy, but I am not looking forward to facing this particular one down every semester from the movie's release date until the end of time with my students. I don't know why it's so hard for people to believe that a guy with street smarts, a decent education, a ton of connections, and a fabulously creative group of friends and colleagues could write what he wrote. But, whatever. What do I know?

Maybe I'll just start promoting my own theories in class. Like:

1) Shakespeare knew what he knew about politics because he was actually Karl Rove who is actually a time traveller.
2) Shakespeare knew what he knew about the Law because he slept with a lot of lawyers.
3) Shakespeare knew what he knew about birth because he had a vajayjay.