Friday, April 16, 2010

Homebaked Shakespeare

Sonnet: To the Lady with the Lexus in the Mall Parking Lot

A woman’s face with Nature’s own hand painted
Hast thou. (If Nature worked at Bloomingdales).
Ne’er with body fat are you tainted;
Always thou sport raven-hued fingernails.

Why did’st thou park thy car so close to mine?
Whereupon “compact vehicles only” are?
This parking lot is no longer sublime;
Any movement slight, and your SUV I will mar.

I rage, I rage, and shoot daggers at you
Snarling “remove your Lexus from my car.”
Mouth a-smirk, you say “that’s not a Lexus.” Ew.
Bags into trunk, your thoughts from me are far.

I don’t give a crap it’s not a Lexus.
That’s not the goddamn point of writing this.

1 comment:

  1. In her (possible?) defense...

    To the frumpy frau whose pasty pout
    Did accost me in the lot, section A
    And whose fork-tongued barbs labored so to rout
    My otherwise joyous, indulgent day:

    I tell you now – this, from me and not the pinot –
    The point of your assault I well perceived;
    Your hair, your shoes, the bag from Chico’s,
    Obama/Biden -- your life has left you peeved.

    How else would one mistake a Lexus,
    (A mere Toyota with added gilt)
    For a mighty Mercedes, luxury’s nexus,
    Or the privilege upon which it’s built?

    So if searching for targets to scorn and despise
    And it seems that you could be, I fear,
    Perhaps to thy self you might cast an eye
    For objects, they are closer than they appear.

    And I know – I ended not on a couplet,
    But you started it, so fuck it.