Ask the Experts

Well, we had lice this week. First time. Evidently, the key to ridding yourself of this pestilence is to slather your hair with goop every night for as long as you (and your writhing, unhappy children) can stand it. Our Nitpicker swears by olive oil. For one of my friends, only mayonnaise will do.

This experience got me thinking. Not only about shaving my head and moving to the French countryside to live in blissful, solitary confinement, but also about what kinds of goop people have embraced as their go-to lice killer. Not surprisingly, our Experts had some interesting responses.


LADY MACBETH: "The milk of human kindness. That crap can suffocate anyone and anything."

CLAUDIUS: "Poison. That's exactly why I have poison around the house. Because of the lice. That's the only reason, obviously. Why else would it be there? I mean, what would I need to do with poison except kill the lice?"

FALSTAFF: "Stale mead. Still yummy, but if the lice is really bad, I'll spare a bit for my head."

OPHELIA: "I so know about this because of my long hair, by the way! I just collect my tears in a bucket and soak my head for a good long time."

Thanks, Experts! I'll keep all this in mind in case there's a (gasp) next time.