Suburbs of Our Discontent

Dear Ghost of Hamlet's Father:

I am currently stranded at Chicago O'Hare airport after spending a lovely weekend away from my offspring with my lawfully wedded husband. I am not an adulterate beast; however, I suspect that I am the reason for our plane's mechanical failure and subsequent inability to get home to the children we left behind in the care of a non-family member who is antsy to get back home in time to watch "The Bachelorette" with her girlfriend. Whenever I travel, mechanical problems and other delays dog me. My husband didn't believe this until now, when I ruined his perfect travel record. I have very powerful negative travel juju. Anyway, I know you are a long-time resident of Purgatory--where I and my husband will be living for the foreseeable future. Any advice?

Please write me back as soon as possible (or come for a visit--I'm sure I'll be here past the witching hour!)

Sincerely,
Caroline
Terminal C, gate 15
Chicago O'Hare