Monday, February 20, 2012

Suburbs of Our Discontent

She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my leg being cross-garter'd; and in this she manifests herself to my love, and with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits of her liking. I thank my stars, I am happy. I will be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and cross-garter'd, even with the swiftness of putting on.

(Malvolio, getting suckered into a very bad fashion choice in Twelfth Night)

Ever since my sister announced her April destination beach wedding, I've been overly fixated on my looks. Our family rarely gets together, so I know that the pix are going to be enshrined. I already have an ABC Afterschool Special that dogs me (scroll to 2:13 of this YouTube vid for a glimpse of my Boy George-meets-Linda Lavin-inspired look as Kara Rinaldi, scholarship student in "The Cheats").

So, yes, I've become a little sensitive and vain when it comes to these things. Which means I've been going to the gym a lot and watching a lot of '80s music videos there.

This has made me especially aware of how badly some looks age. Nobody—I mean nobody–looked good in those early MTV videos, except maybe Rick Springfield. I think their stylists took one look at these perfectly attractive people and said: "Let's put some saggy overalls on her," or "Okay, but what about a bear suit or some leg warmers?"

Fashion trends die, but pictures are forever. Malvolio should be grateful that he blundered pre-YouTube.

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