Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Ask the Experts

Why I'm Endorsing Newt Gingrich
by Henry VIII

I am a man of very particular tastes. If my mutton leg is too drippy, or my codpiece too droopy, someone's head will roll. And that is not a metaphorical use of the phrase. If I do not find my wife pleasing to me, then I divorce her. Or kill her.

That is why I am endorsing Mr. Newt Gingrich for president of the United States. I admire a gentleman who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it. What is this thing you call "ethics"? You say "ethics," I say "bitter, dried-up, barren whore." I am also quite taken with his head of hair and am going to kill my groom of the bedchamber if he fails to give me an equally excellent coif.

His Majesty, King Henry VIII

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