Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Ask the Experts

Screw Your Courage to the Sticky Place
an Op-Ed by Lady Macbeth

Seems like everyone's keeling over with anxiety over this whole chickenpox lollipop controversy.

Listen to this gas bag:

“Who's to say that these other children really had chicken pox? Maybe they had some other illness,” said pediatrician Dr. David Arkin. “Maybe they had something else that could spread. Maybe they had something more dangerous. It's like asking a stranger to send you personal items, and then you're going to expose your child to them.”

Give me a break. First off, if some vaccine-phobic parent wants to try to infect her kid the old-fashioned way, then I say live and let live. Or die. Whatever. How do you think I got these knockers of steel? Not by keeping them tucked away all safe and sterile, that's for damn sure. Okay, maybe I lost a couple kids along the way, but they were obviously weaklings, so what's the point in coddling them?

And another thing: If someone wants to sell her kid's infected lollipops to these suckers for some extra cash, then more power to her. Balls to the wall, ladies! The same goes for those women who sell their breastmilk on craigslist. Geniuses. I wish I'd had a decent Internet connection back when I was trading my milk for gall. Man, did I ever get the short end of the stick on that deal.

Note to readers: The views expressed by Lady Macbeth do not necessarily reflect those of Everyday Shakespeare. Please embrace them at your own discretion.

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