Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Magic Shake-Ball

Dear Magic Shake-Ball:

Am I a bad mommy for singing along to "Pumped up Kicks" when it comes on the radio and my kids are in the car? It is hauntingly catchy. Also, how is it that a song about a kid threatening to shoot up other kids has made it onto mainstream radio stations, but I still can't take a snow globe in my check-on baggage when I fly?


"Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace,
Profaners of this neighbor-stained steel—
Will they not hear?—What ho, you men, you beasts!
That quench the fire of your pernicious rage
With purple fountains issuing from your veins—
On pain of torture, from those bloody hands
Throw your mistempered weapons to the ground,
And hear the sentence of your moved prince." (Romeo and Juliet 1.1.81-88)


I'm going to assume that you're directing this to Foster the People here, and not me. Because it's a big stretch to call me a rebellious subject for trying to sneak one lousy snow globe through security. Okay, and maybe some moisturizer. Unless you think I'm an enemy to the peace for letting myself get entranced by Foster the People and their message of mistempered weapons.

Maybe it's because I'm tired, but now I'm seeing "purple" and "prince" in your answer, and am wondering if you want me to think about Prince's "Purple Rain," which is one big skanky sex metaphor. Are you calling for massive censorship, Shake-Ball? Do you want me to shower your message of censorship across the blogosphere as if I were Prince manhandling his electric guitar?

Oh, Shake-Ball, if only we could just sit down together and have a drink. If only you could make it through security, you bigger-than-3-ozs.-liquid-filled-orb-of-wisdom, and come visit me.

If only.

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