Friday, September 16, 2011

Homebaked Shakespeare

Shakespeare Things We SHOULD Say Today

NPR just had a piece on this twenty-year-old's adorable blog post that lists "Things We Say Today Which We Owe To Shakespeare," phrases such as "Fight Fire With Fire" and "Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve," which she scrawled out charmingly on a piece of notebook paper.

This post inspired me to Homebake a slightly different take on Shakespeare's wordsmithing. I call it Shakespeare Things We SHOULD Say Today .

"You speak like a green girl" (Hamlet)
Meaning: Girl, you're talking like a naive fool!
Use: Michele Bachmann

"I will roar you" (A Midsummer Night's Dream)
Meaning: I'm gonna blow your mind just when you least expect it
Use: Ashton Kutcher

"Oh, happy dagger!" (Romeo and Juliet)
Meaning: "Excellent! Now I can die too"
Use(sarcastic, figurative): teenage conversation

"French withered pear" (All's Well That Ends Well)
Meaning: unappealing private part, possibly affected by age
Use: The Real Housewives of Whatever

"[I'm] out of all whooping" (As You Like It)
Meaning: totally drained after spazzing out with excitement
Use: front row of Proenza Schouler, New York Fashion Week

"All out of work, and cold for action" (Henry V)
Meaning: lazily standing by;unemployed
Use: World Economy

"A barber's chair that fits all buttocks" (All's Well That Ends Well)
Meaning: popular with everyone
Use: Crocs; smartphones; Target; Ashton Kutcher