What I learned about Shakespeare on my summer vacation, by Caroline Bicks, Phd:
William Shakespeare liked to write plays about how bad women are for men. If you are a guy character in a Shakespeare play, and you hear any of the following things, Run, because it means your life is about to go into the shitcan:
1) "Nine watery moons" -- If this is how long you've been away from your manly job, either on the battlefield or ruling your country, then you are screwed. Especially if you've been hanging around a woman. (see: Othello and Polixines)
2) "Hey, big guy, how about you put on my girl clothes and I wear your sword?" This might seem like a fun idea after a few drinks, but trust me. Run. (see: Antony)
3) "Sure, I'll sleep with you, but first give me your family ring. Oh, and it has to be completely dark when we do it." (see: Bertram)
4) "Honey, your father and I are going to send you away to boarding school to rekindle our romance." (see: Hamlet)
5) "What do you mean you changed your mind?" (see: Macbeth)
Love is really bad for the girls, too. If you are a female character in a Shakespeare play, and you hear any of the following things, Run, because you'll probably be dead soon. Seriously. Like, "slut girl who gets killed off first in the horror movie" dead. And you probably won't get a decent funeral:
1) "No, really. My mother would have loved for you to have this handkerchief." (see: Desdemona)
2) "Honey, I'm going to England—I mean, the store—to get some milk." (see: Lady Macduff)
3) "It's okay if we do it, because our bodies aren't really our bodies, they're just the representation of our bodies. Trust me–I've been in Wittenberg, so I know. This Protestant thing is going to be huge." (see: Ophelia)
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