Suburbs of Our Discontent

It's cold outside. Very cold. I was not built for this. 50% of my genes are of the Ukrainian Jewish variety, but I clearly didn't get the part that keeps your body temperature from plummeting once the thermometer hits 40. It's 5 degrees tonight. 5. What is that?

During Shakespeare's time, the English considered people who lived in warm southern climes to be lascivious and lazy. You know what? I could live with that. I could live with being seen that way, because I'd be able to feel my feet. Call me shallow.

My friend Adam emailed a picture of him hiking a few days ago with the subject heading: "We're having a brutal winter too." Adam lives in Los Angeles. And he is just fine. He can take time out of his day to send witty ironic emails because he doesn't have to waste time looking for his gloves and shoveling his car out of snow banks. I bet he doesn't even own gloves.

I think the English were just jealous of the Italians and the Egyptians. Why do you think Shakespeare wrote so many plays about people who live in Italy and Egypt? Because he wanted to live with them.

Oh my God. I think I just had my paradigm-shifting idea.