Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Ask the Experts

Strep Tease

Just when I thought I was past the worst of the "vacation"/snow day black hole, it hit us. The big "S." The illness which cannot in good conscience be treated with ibuprofen and ignored because it will infect every kid in your child's classroom, and you will become parent pariah. Two missed school days later, we're all on antibiotics for strep. Maybe now's the time to take a family trip to Chuck E. Cheese's or a public hot tub.

It's weeks like this when I wonder what it must have been like for parents back in Shakespeare's time when their kids got sick and they didn't have TV or computer games to distract them so that they could get one iota of something done for themselves. Oh, wait a minute. I can ask them myself!

Prospero: I don't understand what you're asking. Miranda never got sick because I never let her play with anyone.

Lady Macbeth: How "Tiger Mother" of you, magic man.

Prospero: Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

Gertrude: Oooo, I just loved it when Hammy had to stay home from school! We got to do all kinds of fun mother-son bonding things like taking naps together and playing "Five Minutes in Mommy's Closet."

Hermione: I would have given my life to be with my children for just one more day.

Lady Macbeth: Look out, people, it's Queen "Woe is me" come to sprinkle some of her joy-kill juice.

[Hermione, weeping, tries to run, but then realizes she is tied to a pedestal and falls on her face.]

Lady Macbeth [laughing hysterically]: Now that's what I would have done with my kids if they'd ever stayed home!

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