Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Ask the Experts

Dear Lady Macbeth:

I'm Class Rep for my daughter's Fifth grade section and I need to send an email to everyone about the class potluck. The theme is "Immigration." What's the best way to do this without offending anyone's cultural heritage or stepping on any Mayflower descendants' toes?

Catherine Hicks
Boston, MA

Dear Catherine:

First of all, why are you worrying about what everyone else thinks? Feelings are for babies. Boo hoo. If you can't stand the heat, step away from the cauldron. Lucky for you, I was once a Class Rep myself (yes, I did have a kid or two in my day--how do you think I got these prize mamba-jambas?). And I also had the unfortunate task of having to write a letter about a gathering with an Immigration theme. You can go ahead and use it. It kicks ass if I do say so myself.

October 24, 1006

Okay, everyone, listen up. It's time to plan the class banquet. Now, first of all, I'm not volunteering my castle again after a certain guest who shall remain nameless (rhymes with Wady Wacduff) got sloppy drunk on posset and ruined things for everyone by crying all night about her lame-ass husband leaving her.

Second of all, the theme this year is "Immigration." Now we could use this as a chance to 1) make the affirmative action Welsh families feel welcome, OR 2) get some free immigrant labor for the party. We could use the money we'd save to hire some sword swallowers. Or I could just make my husband do it again like last year.

Anyway, I vote for option 2. If anyone wants to vote for option 1 then you can organize your own damn potluck.

Lady Macbeth

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