Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Ask The Experts

Okay. First it was the eight-year-old and her over-the-top professional blog about Crazy Bandz. Now there's a 14-year-old Dutch girl attempting to be the youngest person to sail around the globe.

Can everyone just slow down and step away from the achievement stick? Like we don't have enough of a youth culture already? What hope do we slacker middle-agers stand of ever getting any respect?

When I was 14, my greatest achievement was reading the V.C. Andrews "Flowers in the Attic" series in one summer. That's the way it's supposed to be. That way, you can work your way up to some mediocre goals in your 20's before settling in for the slow slide toward what used to be a perfectly respectable stint as a "person with a job." And that's where you stay until you retire.

Maybe I just need a fresh perspective. Maybe I need to talk to some Shakespeare folks who know a lot about being upstaged by the next generation (or two). Yeah. Let's see who shows up.

CB: Prospero! How's it going?

Prospero: Well, ever since I decided to give up my one "ace in the hole" and retire, not too well actually.

CB: Really. So you regret giving up your magic?

Prospero: Oh, I don't mean that. I mean my daughter's abject servitude. Now that she's out on her own, I'm home alone every night. Do you have any idea what it's like to have to depend on a teenager who's never home to help you work your Tivo?

Lear: That's why I'm planning on living with my daughters after I retire.

CB: Somehow I don't think that's going to work out quite the way you're hoping.

Lear: What are you, one of those Femi-nazis in Goneril's book group?

Hamlet, Sr.: I wouldn't worry about these younger kids overshadowing you. You know, that little shit of a son of mine thought he was better than me when he went after that fancy degree. But what did that get him? I'll tell you. A one-way ticket to dead-ville.

CB: So you think that they'll all just burn out before they become an actual threat?

Richard III: Definitely. And if they don't, just kill 'em.

CB: Thanks, guys. I feel better already. I have to go now and play some Word Twist.

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