Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Ask the Experts

Camp Letters from Juliet

July 28, 1594

Dear Mother and Father,

Camp Virginwood is a total, complete nightmare. I sobbed for the whole time we were at Mass this morning because I just felt so ALONE. Like no one understood me at all. Not even GOD. The other girls are SO annoying. When they FINALLY noticed I was crying, they were like “Oh, Juliet, let’s just go back to the dorm and talk about our arranged marriages!!!” And then I wept even harder so they would leave me alone. Then the counselor tried her bit and went “Oh, Juliet, I bet you’d look LOVELY with lavender in your hair on your wedding day.” I was like, “No, actually I’m NOT a conformist who just gets married to a guy because he’s rich and important and because my parents SAY SO!” That’s right. I actually said that. So then they got all freaked out, and I SO KNOW that the Sisters have already contacted you about all this.

That’s fine if no one here wants to be my friend because I believe in TRUE LOVE. That’s just fine because I SO don’t give a crap. I also don’t care if I’m kicked out of the camp (btw, I don’t CARE how much you spent on this shit, so please don’t start with that again).

The only reason that I’m writing to you is because my mood is MUCH, MUCH BETTER as of an hour ago. That was when I met Gary, the guy who runs the stables. I totally, totally relate to him, and I really don’t CARE what you think about that.


your daughter,

P.S. Archery is going pretty well

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