Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Magic Shake-Ball

So... it turns out that I not only have ONE crazy bitchy neighbor lady (CBNL1), but TWO (CBNL2). And they hate each other. And the CBNL2 is the person who actually owns the tree that fell on my fence (and CBNL1's garage). And Massachusetts law requires CBNL2 to do--are you ready for this?--absolutely nothing. That's right. Zero. Because it's the problem of the person whose property it fell on. And CBNL1 doesn't care about her garage. She'd rather let it collapse than give CBNL2 the satisfaction of having her take the tree away for her. So guess who gets to deal with it since they're trying to sell their house and get the f#@* out of this crazy-ass neighborhood?

Okay, Magic Shake-Ball, this is serious. What do I do?


By this account, then, Margaret may win him,
For she's a woman to be pitied much.
Her sighs will make a batt'ry in his breast,
Her tears will pierce into a marble heart.

(3 Henry VI 3.1.35-38)

Interpretation: Perfect. The Wars of The Roses. A prolonged and bloody battle between the Houses of York and Lancaster in which nobody wins. Great.

Let's dig a little deeper, since the Magic Shake-Ball is clearly asking me to use my brain today. Margaret is Queen Margaret and this is her husband Henry VI (in hiding) talking about how she's gone to beg the King of France to help her and their son beat the Yorks and get the throne back for the Lancaster line since her husband gave it up in a massively wussy move to the Yorks. Although she successfully uses her tears to pierce the marble heart of the French King and get him to help them, it ultimately gets her diddly since the Lancasters lose at the end of the play and the Yorks take the throne. My head hurts just thinking about that play.

I'm definitely a woman to be pitied, and it's nice to know that my tears and sighs might pierce some powerful person's heart. But whose? Town Hall's? My insurance company? My neighbor? None of them are going to help me. And I don't want to end up like Margaret. I mean, she gets some awesome speeches in Richard III (the sequel), and she's this witch/prophetess, but she's basically an exile wandering around the halls of the castle like a ghost. Then again, all of the curses she spews against her enemies come true..... I got it! I'll go around the neighborhood teaching everyone how to curse her. Maybe it won't pay my insurance deductible, but who knows what blight it might visit upon her? It should at least get her some bedbugs or a flooded basement.

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