Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Ask the Experts

My Top Ten Olympic Hissy Fits (so far!)

By Mercutio

“Ask the Experts” Special Correspondent for Vancouver 2010
Master Class Hissyist
Adjunct Professor of Hissism
Acting Treasurer, The Council on Historical Hissies

10. West Coast viewers freak out at NBC for tape delayed coverage. Brave columnist Ron Judd of The Seattle Times contacted NBC and told them that his readers were going to boycott the network or convince the FCC to cancel its license. Way to give it to the Man, Ron!

9. My own Hissy about people being supreme jealous jerks about Johnny Weir. He Rocks. Don’t Mess.

8. The Korea Times says mean things about Apollo Ohno because he’s better than their guy.

7. Those intense coaches and dads who start whacking their heads when their kid screws up on the ski slope.

6. The U.S. Skeleton team says that Britain’s Amy Williams’ helmet counts as cheating.

5. Canadian Katie Uhlaender finishes 11th in skeleton race and blames Canada.

4. U.S. Olympic Committee boots snowboarder Scotty Lago from Vancouver for posting pictures of a fan kissing his bronze medal. These are the same people who support the distribution of mass amounts of condoms to their athletes after they compete.

3. After Dutch speed skater Sven Kramer’s coach screws up and gets him disqualified, Kramer kicks the ice, yells, and shoves the guy. You’d understand if he skated over the coach’s face a few hundred times. Still, very cringe-y.

2. Everyone with at least two brain cells reacts strongly to Russian skaters’ aboriginal “costume.” My only complaint is that this drowned out the cries of those of us traumatized by the Germans’ “Send in the Clowns” routine.

1. This journalist is sorry to report that #1 on this list is his own Hissy again, thrown when he was barred access to the Group of Woman Violently Barreling Down the Mountain event. Despite his calm explanations to Olympic officials that the swords were gifts for all of the participants, no one listened to his words.

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