Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Ask the Experts

Der-Eliction 2010: Massachusetts goes GOP

In light of the surprising results of yesterday's special election to fill Ted Kennedy's Senate seat, we've brought together a panel of our most experienced Shakespearean politicians to shed light on this unusual turn of events.

Live from Castle Inverness, home of the Macbeths, Please join me in welcoming Lady Macbeth, King Henry IV, King Richard III and King Lear.

Moderator: So, what happened in Massachusetts yesterday?

Lady M: One word. Boobs. People love to look at 'em, but they don't want 'em making the big decisions.

Lear: Why must we always come back to this, you cavernous pit of womanly darkness? if God wanted you to be in power, he wouldn't have made your bodies weak and susceptible to irrational passions.

LadyM: You wanna have a crazy contest, old man? Let's take it outside. Oh, wait. You can't. Because you're not wearing any shoes!

Mod: Let's see what the other panelists have to say. King Henry, you certainly have experience with being an upstart, some might say a usurper. How do you think Scott Brown pulled this off?

Henry IV: I think that Brown tapped into a broader discontent felt by the people for the current ruling party. As Brown said,
the seat doesn't belong to any one person or party. It belongs to the people.

LadyM: Actually, that is my chair.

Richard III: I have to say I was impressed with this Brown gentleman and his large truck. I would like that truck. I would like it very much.

Mod.: Do you feel that Brown's reference to his daughter Ayla being single and available was a way to reach out to the people?

Richard III: Ayla's available? Interesting. Very interesting.

Henry: Actually, he should be very careful about how he lets his children wander out and about. If they can't represent his values, then they should be kept under strict watch.

Lear: Devil children! Devil daughters! Crack winds and blow them back to their putrid origin!

Mod: Here's another question for the group. Do you think Coakley and the Democrats took their victory for granted? Is that why she didn't win?

Lady M: Absolutely. You should never take victory for granted. Do whatever it takes to get the win. And never out-source.

Richard III: Yes. Out-sourcing has its problems. Everyone wants something: "I killed innocent people for you. Give me some land." Blah. Blah. How tiresome.

Lear: I tried it once. And you know what it got me? A big fat Nothing sandwich!

Mod: Well, that's all the time we have today. Live from Castle Inverness this has been SNN's special coverage of Der-Eliction 2010.

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