Monday, March 4, 2013

Suburbs of Our Discontent

One of the reasons I've been trying to move out of the suburbs is so that I can minimize my chances of being maimed or killed by a Mass-hole driver.  Even though I've lived here for more than 10 years, I'm still surprised on a regular basis by the hazardous cross between incompetence, fearlessness, and entitlement that makes our state's drivers so unique.

Most of these surprises happen around rotaries, which must have been invented with the Mass-hole Olympics in mind. Sometimes I'll see a woman holding and talking on her cell phone (because I think we're the last state to allow this), and she'll just drive on into the rotary without looking to see if, say, anyone else  WITH THE RIGHT OF WAY might happen to be driving around it. And God forbid you're in the outside lane minding your business WITH THE RIGHT OF WAY and some guy on the inside lane decides he wants to get off. Because he is getting off, and nothing and nobody is going to stop him. Especially someone WITH THE RIGHT OF WAY.

Sometimes I wonder which of Shakespeare's characters would be the King or Queen of the Mass-holes--because I have a lot of time to blow off steam and think about these things between surviving the rotary and getting home. Lady Macbeth definitely has the fearlessness and entitlement, but I think she'd probably be a pretty competent driver given her attention to detail. Prospero is a contender for sure, and so is Richard III, especially when he's in a "mood."

But I'm giving this one to Hamlet: I would not want to be on the outside lane when that self-righteous wreck finally decided to make a move.

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