Pacino C'est Moi
By King Richard III
Lately there hath been rumors flying swiftly about, darkening the name of Al Pacino. According to the treasonous words of the Huffington Post, his younger girlfriend needed to "escort" him from a tavern because of his doddering old age. What, though she be 40 years his younger, doth this make him an invalid? I say, "Nay," and "Nay" yet again. Perchance he wishes to plant himself in her nursery, or in her spicèd nest? Of what crime can one accuse him? I myself have known the pleasures of such December-May romances, although, to be sure, I did not choose to linger in that state, preferring to turn my eye to higher ambitions and not caper about in ladies' bedchambers.
I would not flatter myself to say that he doth imitate me‚ although, to speak truth, he hath played me upon the stage. Perchance I hath mistook my shape all this time. I must run now to seek out a looking glass. Fare thee well.
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