Wednesday, January 16, 2013
I have been following Sen. Rand Paul's political dealings of late with neutrality and occasional interest. While I found his commitment to cutting off funds to the populace admirable, I have decided that he must now be beheaded for his latest comments against King Obama.*
His crimes stand as follows: (I.) Paul's name is Paul, a clear sign that he is more loyal to the Popish Saints than to his rightful King. (II.) Spies of the realm confirm that his degree in the science of the eye is a cover for his rampant dealings in witchcraft. On Tuesday eve last, he was spotted carrying a jar of eyeballs to a meeting with one Hazel B. Witchy at the Sign of the Newt tavern. (III.) Paul frequently attends meetings of the Tea Party: tea comes from the godless nations of the East. He is both a heretic and a heathen (see #I.) (IV.) He has three sons, which pisseth me off.