Friday, December 28, 2012

Homebaked Shakespeare

Got New Year's Eve Resolutions? 

When the clock strikes midnight on Monday, you'd better be prepared. Sometimes it's hard to come up with a thoughtful resolution for the new year, so here's our Top Ten Homebaked Shakespeare-inspired suggestions.

1) Never plunge your sword into a tapestry without giving a peek behind it first.

2) Don't make fun of bestiality. It's hilarious until it happens to you

3) If you have issues with your husband's masculinity, don't bottle all those feelings inside until it gets to the point where he refuses to murder someone and you practically explode with pent-up rage. 

4) Get more advice from Fools. 

5) Don't spend so much time worrying that your beloved hates you; it may not make any sense, but he will eventually marry you in the end.

6) Stop dressing like a man! This is confusing to everyone including yourself. 

7) Don't freak out that your father threatened to kill you. Run off with the guy you like. 

8) Listen to your father more. Sometimes he's spot on about your poor choice in men.

9) Once and for all, remember that the forest is not a no-brainer escape from problems!

10) Don't mess with Fate; if you do, Fate will mess with your ass something fierce. 

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