Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Ask the Experts

Interviewing at the MLA this year? No, You Shall Not Fail!

This year the annual MLA convention is here in Boston, which means that I'll be just minutes away from the most important English Professor Schmoozefest of the year.

As always, many hopeful Ph.D.s are vying for few available job slots, so I thought a little advice might be in order for our column today. Our experts offer these priceless nuggets to all wanna-be Humanities professors (a.k.a. you fellow crazy people) out there:

"Woo the lady professor on the committee, especially if she seems to hate you. Then, marry her."
--Richard III

"Stare at the interview committee intensely. Contemplate philosophical matters that are tangentially related to their questions. In between, nod, stare, smile. Repeat. "

"Make them feel like they have you completely under control. Encourage their false sense of security as long as possible so that you may have many options in the future: sabotaging their department, exacting revenge for years of their repressive tactics, etc. etc."
--Kate "the Shrew"

"Claim that your research will increase the fame of the department in ways they never dreamed possible."
--Lady Macbeth

Spot-on, Experts. Get-Out-Damn-Spot ON.

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