Ask the Experts

Why Someone Needs to Give Taylor Swift Some Cling Free—Like, Now

by Juliet Capulet

So, like, I don't know what Taylor Swift is thinking, but she needs to totally stop stalking Conor Kennedy. First off, I get why she's into him. Guys from famous Houses are hot. Like, hello, I basically wrote the book on that. And then Taylor even wrote a song about me, even though she must have been high on something when she wrote it because there's no way in a bajillion years Romeo ever spoke to my dad and told me to pick out a white dress. whateves. like I'd ever wear white anyway. ROFLOL.

Anyway, it's one thing to have the hots for a guy, but she's crazy. She bought a house across from his family's compound and now she's dressing like Jackie O. That is, like, so creepy and pathetic. Plus, does she really think he's going to marry her when she's making everything so easy for him? I mean, she showed up at his boarding school. He doesn't even have to put on his shoes and get in a car to get some from her. I made Romeo put a ring on it, and then climb up a balcony before he got the keys to my Mansione.

Someone needs to give that girl some Cling Free--stat! Cuz no one is gonna feel sorry for her when he dumps her and then she writes a song about it.  That is getting way tired.