Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Ask the Experts

Yom Kippur is Seriously Lame

by Jessica (Shylock's daughter, blah, blah, blah)

It's not like Yom Kippur is fun on a good day, but imagine how much it sucks when your father just found out that you're totally involved with one of the hot Christian guys who hangs around the Rialto. 

THAT situation is a complete nightmare and so, so, so embarrassing!!!!!!!! It's like my dad made a million references tonight to "the Christian man for whom I need to atone until the end of time." And then, a million more uptight little "she's a disgrace to our tribe." BROADCASTED to, like, everyone. Dad, get over it!!!!! So you're the first dad in the Ghetto to go through this, but I'm telling you that I know like six girls totally planning to elope with one of those Rialto guys who hang out with Bassanio!!!!! 


Portia is probably throwing one of her awesome parties right now where everyone's probably eating and drinking amazing, yummy things. Meanwhile, my life sucks. Plus I'm starving. 

Trying to be all "silver lining" and think about being a couple of pounds lighter the next time me, Miriam, and Shoshana party with Lorenzo and his friends. 

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