Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Ask The Experts

Lady Macbeth reviews E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey

My shrink told me I should try to make some women friends so that I could find a "healthy outlet" for my "anger issues" about my marriage and "stop traumatizing children" with my "inappropriate topless rants." Whatever. Let's just say that we weren't really a "match," and that he's taken a  permanent vacation to "Ireland."

In the mean time, I did try out one of those book groups just to see what it would be like to hang out with some other ladies. That's where I came across this Fifty Shades of Grey. I guess it's required reading for these kinds of all-chick book clubs. I was kind of into it once I heard that it was about Bondage and Submission and not one of those "my child has cancer" boo-hoo wuss books.

But then I started reading it. Ana Steele--give me a break. That girl is weaker than my husband! I had high hopes for her at first when she refused to sign the Bondage contract, but then she just spiraled. Seriously, honey, I get that it's hot to be dominated (you think I like having to wear the pants in my relationship?) , but the guy better have more in his back pocket than a whip. Like how about the deed to a big castle and a crown with your name on it? Or at least a trip to Bermuda. Jesus.

Anyway, I decided to quit the book club, so at least I don't have to read the next two books in this  ridiculously unsexy trilogy. I just couldn't stand listening to all of that insipid girl talk, especially from that Lady Macduff who's like a broken record with her "My husband's never home" and "My son talks back to me" and blah, blah, blah.  Whatever. Just a grow a pair and shut your pie hole.

The views expressed by lady Macbeth are entirely her own, They do not reflect the opinion of everydayshakespeare.

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