Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Ask the Experts

My First Visit to Florence!
by HELENA (Bertram's wife)

Florence is GORGEOUS! I just visited the Duomo Cathedral and Baptistry. I tried to pray, but I couldn't stop thinking of BERTRAM, who I'm SURE is into me now that we've been apart for awhile. Who else would he be into?? I mean, the women here are not attractive!

OK, maybe they're a little bit cute. But Bertram can totally be trusted, right? Just because he ran off as soon as the King forced him to marry me does not mean that he's, um, not into me. Are you rolling your eyes? Well I'll have the last laugh when I'm barefoot and pregnant and Bertram, as per his own condition that he would marry me only if I gave birth to his kid, is tethered to my side FOREVER!!!!!

Ladies, the key to marriage is persistence. Blind will to have the man you desire, regardless of impossible circumstances and any revelations of his bad qualities. And believe me, I am an expert on exactly this.

Now I'm off to get some gelato. I need energy to stalk this man, people!


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