Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Ask the Experts

Macbeth Reviews "The Lorax in 3D"

I know not why this is marketed as a family film. It is a troubling, deeply dark exploration of one man's guilt as he watches his ambitions eat him alive, drive away his friends, and leave him alone with nothing but his conscience to gnaw away at him in his dark hole of a fortress.

What of this is entertaining? What of this makes one wish to take small children, force them to put on false eyes, and make them watch the tale of the Once-ler? A tale, it must be said, that is told by an idiot, signifying nothing.

All that this film promotes are distinctly non-family friendly values: 1) A little magical man can come from the heavens; 2) Old women are wise (the grandmother character in this film is nothing but a deceptive crone: and she is played by someone called Betty White, a name as false as the witchy women she clearly consorts with); and 3) One must wear glasses that are clearly conjured by the Devil or his Weird Sister minions to juggle the eyes and take illusions as truth.

And why, pray tell, would anyone want to watch a forest chopped down and carried about? The trees move! They....they....they come at me....they.....Oh, God!

This film so shook my single state of man that I had to leave the theater before I had finished my jujube's. I give it 1 head on a pike out of 5.

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