Friday, February 10, 2012

Homebaked Shakespeare


Tragic news of the day: the Paradise Lost movie that was supposed to come out in 2013 has been scrapped because of its insanely large budget. Apparently, the must-turn-War-in-Heaven-into-crazy-cinematic-spectacle idea sunk the ship.

But wait. You can't just cancel Paradise Lost. Not just because of all the big stars who've signed on (hello, Bradley Cooper as Satan?). Not just because director Alex Proyas got us nerdy teachers all worked up and super excited. It's because the story is huge and amazing!

Good thing we're here with some Homebaked ideas for a more cost effective--but equally satisfying--version. Don't be shy about asking; we're here to help.

Five Ideas for a Lower Cost Paradise Lost

1. Make it animation

2. Depict "War in Heaven" as just a simple naked wrestling match between Bradley Cooper (Satan) and Casey Affleck (Gabriel)

3. Get James Earl Jones to be God and have him do a dramatic voiceover narration instead of shelling out for the big-budget battle scenes

4. Change the setting to a warehouse in Detroit

5. Do a "modern" version with Satan staging a grungy, hippie Occupy Heaven protest

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