Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ask the Experts

The Tucson Unified School District just banned a whole pile of books as part of the state-mandated ban on ethnic studies. One of the more surprising titles to be boxed up and sent to the depository is none other than The Tempest.

"In a meeting this week, administrators informed Mexican-American studies teachers to stay away from any units where “race, ethnicity and oppression are central themes,” including the teaching of Shakespeare’s classic in Mexican-American literature courses."

Here are some of the responses from our cast of characters:

To The Great Men of the Unified School District:

Congratulations on your decision to remove The Tempest from the hands of your Mexican and otherwise ethnic populations. For fifty years I've watched what was meant to be a triumphant tale of one man's righteousness and genius be turned into a mockery–a puppet for the rabble to channel its laziness into expressions of anger against their wise and civilized masters. I would much rather have my story boxed up and sent to a school depository than to have it continue to be fondled by the dirty masses and used in its theater of political correctness.



Dear Tucson Unified School District:

My name is Juliet Capulet, and I am an eighth-grader in Verona, Italy. Well, actually I don't go to school because it's for common people. Plus my father doesn't let me leave the house ever now that I have boobs. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am super bummed that you've banned The Tempest because Miranda is like the only girl I can relate to because her father totally controls her. Did I mention that I have no friends since I can't go out? Unless you want to count that fat old Nurse who hangs around me all day and talks about when she used to breastfeed me. GEEE-ROSSSSS.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that. Whatever. I'll probably be dead from boredom by the time this gets to you.


To Whom It May Concern:

I would like you to consider adding Antony and Cleopatra to your list of banned Shakespeare texts. I believe Cleopatra is a destructive role model for employers. She is also TOTALLY ethnic. I have to end this letter now because if my boss sees me doing this, she will cut off my hands. She already has my balls.


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