Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Ask the Experts

Like most mortal beings, you are probably all shaken up by the recent gossip about Jada and Will. I mean, didn't we just see them all nuzzle-nuzzle-praise-praising each other on The Talk the other day???!!!! If anyone can make sense of this crazy love, it's Hermia and Lysander, straight outta Midsummer madness.


LYSANDER How now, my love! why is your cheek so pale?
How chance the roses there do fade so fast?

HERMIA I just heard that Jada and Will might have broken up. If that's the case, I doubt we have a shot in hell. I mean, seriously.

LYSANDER Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth;
But, either it was different in blood,--

HERMIA Totally screwed! Like when you're famous movie stars and have lots of pressure.

LYSANDER Or else misgraffed in respect of years,--

HERMIA So effed up! Especially if your kids are rich too, and they're buying expensive shit and getting all corrupted by the industry.

LYSANDER Or else it stood upon the choice of friends,--

HERMIA Total hell! Those Marc Anthony rumors are so embarassing.

LYSANDER Or, if there were a sympathy in choice,
War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,
Making it momentany as a sound,
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
And ere a man hath power to say 'Behold!'
The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
So quick bright things come to confusion.

HERMIA The story of Jada and Will imparts great wisdom for us all.
If then true lovers have been ever cross'd,
It stands as an edict in destiny:
Then let us teach our trial patience,
Because it is a customary cross,
As due to love as thoughts and dreams and sighs,
Wishes and tears, poor fancy's followers.

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