Thursday, March 3, 2011

Shakespeare at Large

Professor Franco, I presume?

For those of us who have been beaten down and humbled by English Ph.D. programs, James Franco's zippity-do-da approach at Yale is a bit, um, hard to swallow. The man makes everything look easy. And the world, it seems, makes everything easy for him. The Chronicle of Higher Education recently published some predictions for Franco's spectacular career.

Some of my Faves:

James Franco's dissertation reveals who Shakespeare's sonnets' Rival Poet was: JAMES FRANCO.

James Franco cites in neither Chicago nor MLA style. Actually, he does not cite at all—he stands on no giant's shoulders.

James Franco won't have a tenure hearing. He'll have a tenure concert, open to the public, proceeds to other Ph.D. students.

James Franco won't get a named Chair in English Literature. He'll get a named Living Room Set.

James Franco doesn't hire research assistants. 1. He doesn't need help. 2. He doesn't search; he has already found.

James Franco is allowed to drink in Special Collections. His reflexes guarantee no coffee spills on rare books.

1 comment:

  1. And if all that isn't enough, he's got a recurring role on General Hospital, as (I'm not making this up) "Franco: an artist whose canvas is MURDER!"