Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Ask the Experts

Last week, the American Idol judges used their one "save" to keep Casey Abrams from elimination, bucking the will of text-happy American teenagers everywhere. Which got me thinking. What if Shakespeare's characters could use the "save"? How different would his plays look?

Save #1: Lear votes to eliminate Cordelia from the "Who loves daddy more" contest, but Kent saves her. Result: The next week Cordelia wises up, delivers the speech of her life. and gets the whole kingdom. Regan and Goneril slink off to the 'burbs to bitch about her, and never get invited to Christmas dinner at the Big House. Everyone lives.

Save #2: Horatio "saves" Hamlet after his certain death at the hands of Laertes. When he has to man up and stand up to Young Fortinbras to compete for the throne of Denmark, he wets his pants, then feigns his death and runs off to Wittenberg to live the life of the mind and eat schinitzel with Horatio.

Save #3: The Prince of Morocco, seeking the hand of Portia, is eliminated after he picks the golden casket instead of the lead one. Antonio saves him, the Prince wises up and picks the lead casket, Portia has to marry him, and Bassanio and Antonio go on a cruise to Corsica. And then Wittenberg.

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