Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Ask the Experts

MLA Edition

Live from the MLA Convention in Los Angeles, our guest correspondent Iago works the floor.

Iago: I'm here at the premiere of the reinvented Modern Language Association Convention in sunny Los Angeles, CA. For those of you who are new to this, the MLA has always taken place between Christmas and New Years, because why not take misery to a whole new level and ask people to not only pander for jobs but also sacrifice whatever semblance of a personal life they may have in order to do it? Now that was a philosophy I could get behind. But I guess someone with some humanity must have gotten voted into some position of power and now it takes place in the first week of January instead. Pussies.

Anyway, I love coming to these things, because you can practically smell the fear and self doubt wafting through the hotel vents. Take, for example, this specimen coming towards me. He looks like he's at a high school debate tournament. Excuse me, are you here to interview for a job in room 211?

Interviewee: Why, yes I am.

Iago: Interesting. Hmmm.

Interviewee: What?

Iago: Nothing.

Interviewee: Seriously. What?

Iago: Well, I'm sure it's nothing, but I just saw someone coming out of that very hotel room that you're about to enter, and I ... I'm sure it's nothing.

Interviewee: What did you hear? Tell me.

Iago: I can see that I've troubled you.

Interviewee: Troubled me? No. I have three articles in refereed journals and a paradigm-shifting book project.

Iago: I see. Three, you say?

Interviewee: Three. Yes, three. Why do you echo me, you rogue??

Iago: No matter. Best of luck to you. Long may you live to think yourself a paradigm-shifter.

[Interviewee breaks into tears and runs into the Men's Room]

Iago: It's like taking candy from a baby.

1 comment:

  1. This is totally hilarious and brilliantly right-on. How much do I love the fact that I don't have to be a green-horn interviewee at the MLA ever again? More even than I love my strawberry hanky.