by William Shakespeare
I was obviously wrong in believing that James Shapiro’s newly published Contested Will: Who Wrote Shakespeare? had ended this ridiculous authorship debate once and for all. As Shapiro brilliantly argues, I did write my plays.
For those of you who cling on to the idea that only a fancy educated person like Edward de Vere or Francis Bacon could have written Hamlet, etc., I say that’s just fine, you big snobs. I know from experience that there’s no convincing you a-holes otherwise.
But a Jewish woman? Imagine my shock when I received my latest issue of Reform Judaism (for you cynics out there, yes, I am a lifelong learner and continue to challenge myself):
There’s a lot to say about this, but I’ll limit myself to a succinct response:
The Eight Reasons Why a Jewish Woman Did Not Write My Plays:
1. Robin Starveling is much too skinny.
2. Petruchio does not let Katherine eat. No Jewish woman, however creative and talented, would allow herself to imagine this.
3. Gertrude does not seem upset that Hamlet has dropped out of school. A son who threatens his chances of becoming a professional with an advanced degree? I don’t think so.
4. Coriolanus does not listen to his mother nearly as much as he should.
5. Hermione is quiet for 16 years.
6. Hermione does not attempt to make Leontes feel guilty for all the unbelievable crap he has put her through.
7. All that wasted food at the Macbeth’s dinner party!
8. Finally, no Jewish woman would let Jessica marry Lorenzo. Period. Yes, the representation of Jewish angst and guilt is very “authentic” (thank you) but this would be unbearable for a Jewish woman to write when there are so many nice young men at Shylock’s synagogue. Did you really think she would have left Tubal’s son out of the picture????
"2. Petruchio does not let Katherine eat. No Jewish woman, however creative and talented, would allow herself to imagine this."
ReplyDeleteSo true. <3 (You know, like the kids say)