Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Ask the Experts

Today, Prospero reviews the new Apple iPad

As you may recall from my earlier review of the Kindle, I am deeply suspicious of these book machines and their connections to the Amazons, a notorious female race of man-killers. The iPad, which its makers speak of as being "magical and revolutionary," does nothing to relieve my fears. Magic should never be given to the uninformed masses, and yet the iPad allows anyone to "pinch to make things bigger," and to "hold the web in the palm of your hand." I can only presume that this "web" is code for the wily entrapments of women and other beasts.

While I admit that I was taken with a few of this device's "Apps," such as "Are You Good or Evil" and "Pocket God," I was deeply disturbed by the ones marketed toward children: "Elmo's Monster Maker" and "Word Magic" seem especially dangerous and should be kept out of the hands of your daughters at all costs.

In short, the iPad belongs at the bottom of the sea. Do not be taken in by its bright colors and multi touch allurements.

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