Friday, February 19, 2010

Homebaked Shakespeare

Curling: What Would Shakespeare Do?

Many famous scholars trace the sport of curling back to the Dutch artist Pieter Breugel’s 1565 painting of people playing with stones on an icy pond. The Hunters in the Snow is just what it suggests: hunters and their dogs returning to their snow-covered village. In the distance, specks of bundled-up skaters rollick and curl.

So as to further my understanding of Olympic curling, I tried staring at this picture for a while. But it was just like watching it on t.v.: I had no idea what was going on.

It’s possible that Bruegel’s contemporary Shakespeare also knew about curling. In his film version of Hamlet, Kenneth Branagh imagined curling as a fave pastime of the king and queen. Inspired by this, I homebaked another one of my great screenplay ideas: a Shakespearean drama about curling.

"Three Broomsticks and a Funeral"

Tag Line:
"The movie that FINALLY explains this random sport"

The Story: Three witches struggle to come to terms with their criminal past: a life of conspiracy and second-degree murder. From their stint at a soup kitchen to their apprenticeship with fashion designer Alexander McQueen, all of their attempts to re-enter society fail miserably. That is, until they discover the sport of curling through a freak encounter with a Scottish supermodel. The underdog "Weird Sisters" pull out their brooms again, but this time in the name of sport. As they navigate the competitive world of curling, the three learn the true meaning of friendship and the awesome power of redemption.

To commission this screenplay, have your people contact our people at


  1. This thing's got legs! And pointy hats! For an actual curling movie, check out Men With Brooms (Canadian of course), which is genuinely hilarious: a tongue-in-cheek buddy movie/big game flick starring Leslie Nielsen and the always-excellent Paul Gross, of Slings and Arrows fame. You guys are huge Slings and Arrows fans, presumably!

  2. I'm glad I'm not alone on this! My wife and I spent way too much time this morning watching curling, trying to figure out what we were looking at. I don't get it. Is it ONLY fun for the two guys with the tiny brooms? Is this what they honestly dreamed of doing since they were little boys, or did they not make the cut for the Olympic floor-sanding team? And if the goal of the sport is to get the giant Roomba to the circle at the end of the ice, shouldn't they be using garden hoes instead of brooms? Wouldn't that make an easier path for the thing to follow? Love the idea for a film about it, though. MIRACLE meets BEST IN SHOW. Go for it!